Couple therapy is not a long-term process in the way that some therapeutic approaches are within individual therapy.

When I begin working with couples, I make the time frame explicit from the start. This is partly about what is reasonable and for transparency, but more importantly about being clear about what the process requires and what is expected of both partners.

In the early phase, there should be noticeable shifts relatively quickly. Within the first six weeks, or roughly six sessions, there are usually observable changes. These are not deep or fully consolidated changes, but changes in the interaction. More specifically, changes in what it feels like to be in the relationship. Small shifts in what is received from each other and, more importantly, what is no longer said or brought into the interaction.

These changes are typically a direct result of introducing the ground rules, suspending relational conversations outside the session, interrupting corrosive actions, and introducing affirmations and other initial corrective behaviours between sessions. These are small, deliberate interventions that target the intensity and interaction between sessions and that, if both partners engage with them, typically have a marked impact on softening the relationship.

The focus of the first few sessions is on interrupting behaviours and interactions that lead to escalation, rather than immediately moving into the history or the legacy of the relationship. These are deliberate decisions in how the process is structured to reduce overall intensity, while at the same time shaping experiences in session and between sessions that allow different forms of interaction to begin to emerge.

The bulk of the work typically takes place within the first three months. This is not a promise, and it is not presented as a fixed outcome. It reflects the fact that this is an intensive, structured process that works directly on the interaction rather than circling around it over time.

As the process continues, the work expands to include restructuring conversations, addressing the legacy of injury, and guiding the couple towards ways of repairing arguments and other incidents as they occur. This does not replace the earlier work, but builds on it.

From the outset, it is made clear that sessions need to take place at least once a week. In some cases, depending on the nature and intensity of the relational pattern, more frequent sessions are required. Spacing the work out too widely reduces momentum and allows the existing pattern to reassert itself between sessions.

At the same time, progress is not determined by the therapist, and it is not something that can be promised. It is directly linked to the level of engagement in the process. This includes the intensity of the work in the session itself, as well as what happens between sessions.

Between-session work is introduced early, usually after the second session, and becomes a core part of the process. These tasks are not add-ons. They are the mechanism through which change begins to take shape in the daily interaction between partners. As the work progresses, these tasks build and layer, increasing both the demand and the impact of the process.

From the beginning, the focus is on changing what happens in the moment during sessions and extending those changes into what happens between partners in their everyday lives. This is what gives the process its intensity and direction.

The duration of the process is dependent on active engagement, both in session and between sessions. The specific nature of the relational pattern, the presence of corrosive actions, and reluctance to fully engage also play a role. Similarly, the presence of events such as affairs, breaches, and other significant disruptions typically extends the process.

Couple therapy is presented as a short-term intervention, meaning a process of approximately 12 to 24 sessions. It progressively works towards changing what happens between the individuals to a point where they can begin to take on some of the functions of the therapist between them. This also means that towards the end of the therapy process it is common for there to be greater gaps between sessions, initially two weeks and then longer, as the focus shifts from in-session work towards consolidation and maintenance of a new way of relating at home.

Momentum is established from the start through the expectation of frequent and routine sessions, early inclusion and layering of between-session tasks, and high levels of structure and accountability. As such, couple therapy is fast-paced and short-term.